WHY YOU SHOULDN'T "JUST" LEAVE YOUR CHURCH

I've been processing church membership in my mind over the last couple of years.  Not whether there is a need for it, but whether there is a sweet spot when it comes to the number of churches a healthy, maturing Christian would be a part of in their lifetime.  Growing up in "the church", I have had the opportunity to watch many people make decisions regarding where to commit their membership, or whether, for that matter, to commit at all. I know some who have been at one church their entire lives, even having multiple generations of their family represented in the church body.  I have witnessed some church goers make membership commitments to multiple churches within a short distance of one another and within an even shorter time span.  I have watched some attend a church, become a member, and then withdraw their membership only to wander aimlessly between churches attempting to find the "perfect" church for their families.  And then there are those who decide being a member of a church is not for them, usually after some sort of offense has happened.

The thing is, the quest for the "perfect" church is a futile one.  You will never be able to find a church body that has it all because we don't have it all.  I have been a member-to-date of four churches.  I don't know whether this is an "appropriate" number or not, but there were reasons that I ended up at a different church at these moments of my life.   I have come to believe that churches are seasonal, and that one may attend multiple church bodies throughout their lifetime.  I was "born into" my first church. My second church was the one I attended when I went to college in Oklahoma.  I don't even think I visited very many churches; the one I settled at just felt like "home." Not home in the sense of it being similar to the church that I was from "back home," but it felt right.  I remained at this church until I graduated and moved back to California.  And because I was already head-over-heels for the man who was to become my husband, I returned to my first church after graduation. This church is where we met, and I represented the third generation of my family in my membership.  Eventually, four generations of my family were  present at said church.

Fast forward quite a few years.  After approximately 10 years of marriage and 2 children later, my husband and I made the decision it was time to move to Texas.  Long story short, in Texas we attended a large congregation 45 minutes away from our home for a year or so, until we finally settled at a much smaller congregation just minutes from our house.

Enough of my history.

I strongly believe that God uses the local church to accelerate the growth process in His children.  It's one of the reasons I think we are all to be a part of a local church body.  When you join a church, it is much like a marriage, with the exception, in my opinion, of it not being a lifetime institution.  When you are honeymooning you think that your pastors can do-no-wrong and the friendly, compassionate congregants are further proof that you are now a part of the best church in the area.

Fast forward a year. Or a month. Or twenty four hours.  The "friendly" congregants are cliquish and arrogant.   Beloved Pastor has made one mistake too many.  What used to be a wonderful gathering of people has now become a dysfunctional mess.  Everyone and their mama has offended you by now, and Pastor's wife has done it too. 

What I've noticed is that people who leave from a church because of offense is this: they get offended and leave church number two.  And then three.  And four.  The cycle keeps going until they either become serial church hoppers, or they give up on the "church" altogether.  Eventually they become swallowed by bitterness and disillusionment, with some ultimately walking away from their faith altogether.

Ugh. How unfortunate this is when it happens.  We don't "see" it occurring once we've already got the cycle of church infidelity going, so it's important to be aware of this before it starts, or at least, early on in the process.

At the risk of sounding harsh:  Stop leaving your church because someone hurt you!  I say this in love because I want you to be healthy and whole.  But you have got to stop running every time you've been done wrong.  Go ahead and accept the fact that no matter where you go, you are going to have to deal with hurt feelings.  If you don't learn to process and work through your hurt where you are at you will be like the children of Israel who continued to wander in the wilderness.  You will never enter your promised land.

It may not feel like a "safe place" for you to experience the emotions you are going through, but know this: when you are in God's will you ARE in a safe place!  This doesn't mean that the person who has offended you will even deal with it correctly after you bring it to their attention (if that's the route you go), but if you're serving my God- the God of "Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob," this thing I know:  God has good things in store for you.  He will hold each of us accountable for how we act and react to the situations in which we find ourselves.  If vindication is in order He will vindicate you.  If correction is needed, He will correct.   It is in the moments that we are being stretched that we need to surrender to the process and not fight the Lord in what he is trying to develop in us.

Lastly, don't forget that Jesus referred to us as sheep.  When sheep get separated from the flock things don't bode well for the straggler.  Don't let the enemy convince you to isolate, especially if you're "injured."

Ok, here are some disclaimers.  I am not naive enough to believe that this applies to EVERY situation you may face.   In addition this post assumes a couple of things: that you are in a Bible believing church and that there is no abuse or any other illegal activity going on. This post is also not aimed at anyone or written for someone in particular, so don't go thinking I'm sitting on my bed thinking about you!  But at the same time, if the shoe fits, wear it!  I have made plenty of mistakes and will continue to make them as long as I live.  We all have dysfunction. The key is, recognize yours and deal with it. You're grown now, believe it or not, and you can do "all things through Christ who gives you strength." (Phil 4:13)

-eRiKa