So many of us feel the pressure nowadays to be that "perfect" mom. I'm sure mamas back in the day felt the pressure as well, but now that we have social media outlets like Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest the temptation to compare confronts us every time we check our profiles.
My FB feed is a showcase of how amazing the moms that I know are. I have friends who are excellent artists, seamstresses, crafters, chefs, decorators, homemakers, etc. I have friends who take their kids on trips around the world, who home school their kids, who birth children without drugs, or even have five or more children.
And then there's me.
To some extent my Pinterest is a "dream board." Oh, I'd love this, one day I will cook this. On a day I'm feeling ambitious I will make that. So many beautiful things to pin. So many great ideas to consider. But there's so little time, skill, and/or willpower to fulfill my "dream board."
I'm going to keep this short, because honestly what I've been doing lately is starting drafts and not finishing them. I started this post days ago and it's still in my draft folder. Ugh. I'm sure someone else can relate to starting things and just not finishing, right?!?
Regardless of our own inadequacies in certain areas my desire is to just see women empower women. Moms encourage moms. None of this "mom shaming" crap that seems so rampant today. It was always there, but now that we have an online "voice" it seems ever-present.
And come on ladies, we need to be okay with disagreeing on things. I hate the condescending "oh, I would NEVER do that" attitude we get with one another on different issues. Most of the time there's not "one" way to do things, and we need to be respectful of other people holding different belief systems than we hold personally. Have the time until you have walked in someone's shoes you wouldn't know how you would handle yourself!
Stop worrying about everyone else and what they are doing. Strive to be the best YOU that YOU can be. If we all work at being the best woman God created us individually to be we can spend more time building one another up. After all, we need each another.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Saturday, June 20, 2015
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T "JUST" LEAVE YOUR CHURCH
I've been processing church membership in my mind over the last couple of years. Not whether there is a need for it, but whether there is a sweet spot when it comes to the number of churches a healthy, maturing Christian would be a part of in their lifetime. Growing up in "the church", I have had the opportunity to watch many people make decisions regarding where to commit their membership, or whether, for that matter, to commit at all. I know some who have been at one church their entire lives, even having multiple generations of their family represented in the church body. I have witnessed some church goers make membership commitments to multiple churches within a short distance of one another and within an even shorter time span. I have watched some attend a church, become a member, and then withdraw their membership only to wander aimlessly between churches attempting to find the "perfect" church for their families. And then there are those who decide being a member of a church is not for them, usually after some sort of offense has happened.
The thing is, the quest for the "perfect" church is a futile one. You will never be able to find a church body that has it all because we don't have it all. I have been a member-to-date of four churches. I don't know whether this is an "appropriate" number or not, but there were reasons that I ended up at a different church at these moments of my life. I have come to believe that churches are seasonal, and that one may attend multiple church bodies throughout their lifetime. I was "born into" my first church. My second church was the one I attended when I went to college in Oklahoma. I don't even think I visited very many churches; the one I settled at just felt like "home." Not home in the sense of it being similar to the church that I was from "back home," but it felt right. I remained at this church until I graduated and moved back to California. And because I was already head-over-heels for the man who was to become my husband, I returned to my first church after graduation. This church is where we met, and I represented the third generation of my family in my membership. Eventually, four generations of my family were present at said church.
Fast forward quite a few years. After approximately 10 years of marriage and 2 children later, my husband and I made the decision it was time to move to Texas. Long story short, in Texas we attended a large congregation 45 minutes away from our home for a year or so, until we finally settled at a much smaller congregation just minutes from our house.
Enough of my history.
I strongly believe that God uses the local church to accelerate the growth process in His children. It's one of the reasons I think we are all to be a part of a local church body. When you join a church, it is much like a marriage, with the exception, in my opinion, of it not being a lifetime institution. When you are honeymooning you think that your pastors can do-no-wrong and the friendly, compassionate congregants are further proof that you are now a part of the best church in the area.
Fast forward a year. Or a month. Or twenty four hours. The "friendly" congregants are cliquish and arrogant. Beloved Pastor has made one mistake too many. What used to be a wonderful gathering of people has now become a dysfunctional mess. Everyone and their mama has offended you by now, and Pastor's wife has done it too.
What I've noticed is that people who leave from a church because of offense is this: they get offended and leave church number two. And then three. And four. The cycle keeps going until they either become serial church hoppers, or they give up on the "church" altogether. Eventually they become swallowed by bitterness and disillusionment, with some ultimately walking away from their faith altogether.
Ugh. How unfortunate this is when it happens. We don't "see" it occurring once we've already got the cycle of church infidelity going, so it's important to be aware of this before it starts, or at least, early on in the process.
At the risk of sounding harsh: Stop leaving your church because someone hurt you! I say this in love because I want you to be healthy and whole. But you have got to stop running every time you've been done wrong. Go ahead and accept the fact that no matter where you go, you are going to have to deal with hurt feelings. If you don't learn to process and work through your hurt where you are at you will be like the children of Israel who continued to wander in the wilderness. You will never enter your promised land.
It may not feel like a "safe place" for you to experience the emotions you are going through, but know this: when you are in God's will you ARE in a safe place! This doesn't mean that the person who has offended you will even deal with it correctly after you bring it to their attention (if that's the route you go), but if you're serving my God- the God of "Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob," this thing I know: God has good things in store for you. He will hold each of us accountable for how we act and react to the situations in which we find ourselves. If vindication is in order He will vindicate you. If correction is needed, He will correct. It is in the moments that we are being stretched that we need to surrender to the process and not fight the Lord in what he is trying to develop in us.
Lastly, don't forget that Jesus referred to us as sheep. When sheep get separated from the flock things don't bode well for the straggler. Don't let the enemy convince you to isolate, especially if you're "injured."
Ok, here are some disclaimers. I am not naive enough to believe that this applies to EVERY situation you may face. In addition this post assumes a couple of things: that you are in a Bible believing church and that there is no abuse or any other illegal activity going on. This post is also not aimed at anyone or written for someone in particular, so don't go thinking I'm sitting on my bed thinking about you! But at the same time, if the shoe fits, wear it! I have made plenty of mistakes and will continue to make them as long as I live. We all have dysfunction. The key is, recognize yours and deal with it. You're grown now, believe it or not, and you can do "all things through Christ who gives you strength." (Phil 4:13)
-eRiKa
The thing is, the quest for the "perfect" church is a futile one. You will never be able to find a church body that has it all because we don't have it all. I have been a member-to-date of four churches. I don't know whether this is an "appropriate" number or not, but there were reasons that I ended up at a different church at these moments of my life. I have come to believe that churches are seasonal, and that one may attend multiple church bodies throughout their lifetime. I was "born into" my first church. My second church was the one I attended when I went to college in Oklahoma. I don't even think I visited very many churches; the one I settled at just felt like "home." Not home in the sense of it being similar to the church that I was from "back home," but it felt right. I remained at this church until I graduated and moved back to California. And because I was already head-over-heels for the man who was to become my husband, I returned to my first church after graduation. This church is where we met, and I represented the third generation of my family in my membership. Eventually, four generations of my family were present at said church.
Fast forward quite a few years. After approximately 10 years of marriage and 2 children later, my husband and I made the decision it was time to move to Texas. Long story short, in Texas we attended a large congregation 45 minutes away from our home for a year or so, until we finally settled at a much smaller congregation just minutes from our house.
Enough of my history.
I strongly believe that God uses the local church to accelerate the growth process in His children. It's one of the reasons I think we are all to be a part of a local church body. When you join a church, it is much like a marriage, with the exception, in my opinion, of it not being a lifetime institution. When you are honeymooning you think that your pastors can do-no-wrong and the friendly, compassionate congregants are further proof that you are now a part of the best church in the area.
Fast forward a year. Or a month. Or twenty four hours. The "friendly" congregants are cliquish and arrogant. Beloved Pastor has made one mistake too many. What used to be a wonderful gathering of people has now become a dysfunctional mess. Everyone and their mama has offended you by now, and Pastor's wife has done it too.
What I've noticed is that people who leave from a church because of offense is this: they get offended and leave church number two. And then three. And four. The cycle keeps going until they either become serial church hoppers, or they give up on the "church" altogether. Eventually they become swallowed by bitterness and disillusionment, with some ultimately walking away from their faith altogether.
Ugh. How unfortunate this is when it happens. We don't "see" it occurring once we've already got the cycle of church infidelity going, so it's important to be aware of this before it starts, or at least, early on in the process.
At the risk of sounding harsh: Stop leaving your church because someone hurt you! I say this in love because I want you to be healthy and whole. But you have got to stop running every time you've been done wrong. Go ahead and accept the fact that no matter where you go, you are going to have to deal with hurt feelings. If you don't learn to process and work through your hurt where you are at you will be like the children of Israel who continued to wander in the wilderness. You will never enter your promised land.
It may not feel like a "safe place" for you to experience the emotions you are going through, but know this: when you are in God's will you ARE in a safe place! This doesn't mean that the person who has offended you will even deal with it correctly after you bring it to their attention (if that's the route you go), but if you're serving my God- the God of "Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob," this thing I know: God has good things in store for you. He will hold each of us accountable for how we act and react to the situations in which we find ourselves. If vindication is in order He will vindicate you. If correction is needed, He will correct. It is in the moments that we are being stretched that we need to surrender to the process and not fight the Lord in what he is trying to develop in us.
Lastly, don't forget that Jesus referred to us as sheep. When sheep get separated from the flock things don't bode well for the straggler. Don't let the enemy convince you to isolate, especially if you're "injured."
Ok, here are some disclaimers. I am not naive enough to believe that this applies to EVERY situation you may face. In addition this post assumes a couple of things: that you are in a Bible believing church and that there is no abuse or any other illegal activity going on. This post is also not aimed at anyone or written for someone in particular, so don't go thinking I'm sitting on my bed thinking about you! But at the same time, if the shoe fits, wear it! I have made plenty of mistakes and will continue to make them as long as I live. We all have dysfunction. The key is, recognize yours and deal with it. You're grown now, believe it or not, and you can do "all things through Christ who gives you strength." (Phil 4:13)
-eRiKa
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
What Makes The Difference (How you will remain a Christian)
It's the end of May and young adults are graduating from High School. It's a great accomplishment, rightfully filled with excitement and anticipation of what's to come. Churches are having ceremonies celebrating the accomplishments and future plans of these young people and everyone has dreams of grandeur. Potential seems, and is, endless for most. After all, the Word itself declares "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) Ephesians 3:20 speaks of a God who is "able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us." There are numerous Scriptures that speak to what God is able to do in and through His children.
But why is it that it seems that young people who have been in the Church, some for their lifetime, fall away from the Lord during their college years? What is it that keeps the "few" that continue to walk with the Lord on the proverbial "straight and narrow?"
I'll sum it up with one word, a word that can be found 245 times in the KJV of the New Testament according to christianbiblereference.org: FAITH. To put it in perspective, the word "love" only appears 179 times, according to the same reference.
Now, the thing about faith is "it comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God." (Romans 10:17b NKJV) The Bible does not advise that it comes by attending 54 meetings or services a year, being at church every time the doors are opened, or volunteering to feed the homeless or prison ministry.
We live in a culture that is overly concerned with what feels good or makes us happy. We overlook things that are vital for our health and survival, both spiritually and physically, in order to indulge in what gives us goosebumps. Unfortunately, this phenomenon has leaked into the Church as well. Service was "great" when the song service felt jubilant and the preached Word was entertaining. We look to the worship pastor to lead us in our favorite songs and the preacher to bring a Word we can shout to. Don't let the song service include a song we don't like (because we only sing the ones that we like, right?) or the preacher say something that cuts us where it hurts (because then we'll be obligated to write a letter and tell him our thoughts). It's all about ME ME ME and not HIM HIM HIM.
But I digress. Look, what we need to focus on is not the things I outlined in the last paragraph. Instead, as Christians, we need to develop a hunger for the Word. We need to learn the Word of God for ourselves, so that when the professors and peers declare that God is "anti-gay" and that the Bible "contradicts itself" and that Christians are all hypocrites, we not only have an answer for them, but it doesn't shake our faith, because our Faith is built on the solid rock of the Word. We won't feel insecure when challenging topics come up in lectures, and we'll understand and be confident in our God who is wiser than anyone we encounter on campus. When times are hard it won't be "quick, call the pastor to pray for me and tell me what to do" but rather, I know what God's Word says and I can speak the Word over my own situation. Because, after all, if you've grown up in the church physically I hope you have grown up in the church spiritually as well.
Now, if you realize that you've been churched for years and you're still an infant, don't despair! It's not too late. Open your Word. Choose a verse to memorize each week, read a Proverb each day, get on a Bible reading plan. Overindulge! You can't get too much good stuff when it comes to the Word. The Word brings life. It builds your faith, and allows you to see your God as He is...the God of Truth, the God of Love and the God Who Sustains You.
-eRiKa
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