Flashbacks, and Snow Trip!

So much of the things we go through is rooted in things we have experienced in the past. We all wear googles of some sort, some even blinders. I think my near meltdown today was because I temporarily had the spectacles of my teenage years growing up in "the church" on.

So when I say near meltdown, I'm actually exaggerating. A LOT, now that I think of it...because I have had actual meltdowns in the past, and this was of maybe 1/100 of that magnitude.

So I should not call it a meltdown, but a fit of frustration.

The relevant info from the past: I grew up at the same church my whole life. So I had people in my life who "knew" who my parents were, "knew" my financial status, "knew" my academic accomplishments, "knew" who I hung out with, etc. They knew all these things, and they thought they "knew" me.

Wrong. Even my husband (then just another kid in my youth group who was intimidated by me, LMBO) had preconceived ideas about me that were way off.

I didn't feel this way whenever I got around people who didn't already "think" they knew me. Actually the two summers away from home when I was 16 and 17 were the best 4 months of my teenage life. I got to go into new situations being ERIKA and guess what...people liked me!!! When I went away to college...I found even more people who got to know me and liked me!

Anyway, so the point is sometimes people know things about you, or hear rumors from other people, and choose to believe those things without getting to know you. And in the past it always cast me in a negative light.

I've gotten over it...and now some of the people from the past are still in my life, and some aren't. Most have figured out by now that I am not the person they thought I was. LOL I rarely give any thought to it. Most of the time if I do it is a laughing matter.

Anyway, interacting with teenage girls as a youth pastor has been very, very rewarding in a lot of ways. I'm blessed and humbled that God would choose me and my hubby (as dysfunctional we have been in the past!) to minister to His kiddos.

But good Lord, today I felt like I had a flashback to the past! One or two people can start "rumors" (about me) that I don't know who's heard, or who hasn't heard, but enough people have that for some reason anything that kids don't like about the youth group or youth activities (or the lack thereof) is now being characterized as something I've done or a decision I've made to ruin their lives LOL...I'm putting extra on it, but I'm feeling dramatic right now ;) Other stuff has been said...and it's whatever...but I guess today I was frustrated because I'm thinking "Here I am trying to arrange for 2 days of snowboarding (on a 3.5 day snow trip that is less than 3 weeks away) for teenagers who all they are talking about right now is that they can't stay at the church between 1:30-8:30am on January 1st for a sleepover and that as a result of there not being a sleepover they might go out and party and somehow this is Pastor Erika's fault!?"

Ok, so I'm laughing for real. I don't mean that in a sarcastic way. It's amusing, now that I'm over it...but I understand what parents go through. You work hard and feed and clothe ur kids, etc. and then all they do is complain. And then they expect you to do extra! My prayers are with you parents out there.

So I'm gonna press through, and plan this Snow Trip! I'm looking forward to a good time. And if anyone acts up I'm gonna lock them out of their condo.

Parenthood...and the love of the Father

I love my daughter. More than I could've imagined. Being a parent (of a two year old, no less) has demonstrated (to me) God's love for us, his kids, better than any lesson I was taught in Sunday School.

There has never been a day when I thought "this child is getting on my nerves; I don't love her anymore." There have been some times when she really irked me, like when we were on vacation in San Diego and she wouldn't sleep at night (or in the day for that matter) and we ended up leaving our beautiful resort at 4am because we had given up on trying to get her to sleep. We left family camp early on a different trip, or even our weekend trip to Monterrey in the middle of the night because of Aria. Yeah, CP and I were disappointed, but if we could get through to "the child" she would have understood we were saying "Aria if you take your nap, you'll wake up and feel better. Not only that, we will take you to Disneyland (if ur a sweet baby!), or for ice cream, or something equally as spectacular for a kid.

There is something in a parent that makes them want to spoil their kids. Unfortunately sometimes the kid doesn't quite understand the "rewards" that come with the obedience. Whether 2 years old, a teenager, kid, or grownup, we have a Father who loves us more than we could ever imagine. He looks at us proud of his "baby" even when we're not doing right--but trying to tell us "Kiddo, just follow what I told you and you'll get out of your rut!" or "I have such great things I want you to see and do, but I need you to show me I can trust you with these things!"

The love of God is beyond our comprehension. God is for us--not against us. He is not a God who looks down on us to point out our wrongs, make us feel guilty or ashamed.

When Aria has an "owwie" I run to her, pick her up, kiss her wound (I would heal it too if I could) and let her know I'm sad when she's hurting.

So why is it when we're hurt and our Daddy God wants to scoop us up and lather on the love and healing (yes, He can do more than just kiss our wound)- we push Him away? We tell Him "no thanks I got this on my own" or "nah, I think I'll let my boo or bff take care of this one."

We reject the very one who can make it all better. Not always consciously...but as soon as we come to the awareness of what we've done we must rectify it and run back to the one who loves us sooooo much...